It's been awhile

So it's been a long while since I've posted.  My mom has passed... It has been an experience that is to say the least.  There are very few days that go by that I don't think of her, especially with Christmas just a few days away.  Going through the Holiday grind has been interesting.  It is upsetting(not the right word but don't know of a better one), lonely, like a chunk is missing. I suppose that the hole that I'm feeling will slowly close up till it is just a crack; but now it is a huge abyss.

Went up and bar tended at my Grandparents Christmas party yesterday. Had a good time; but all the way up the seat next to me felt empty... I decided that it really sucked... The ride up, not the overall experience.  I get mad when I see elderly couples together; not at them per say but at the whole idea that they get to be together here on Earth and my parents do not... I get over it... I understand that they are together on the other side of the veil; it's just not fair to those of us here. Hell, it's not fair to me!  But no one ever said that life is fair huh.

I was praying the other night, I was telling God how much I missed my mother and I realized that I really should be saying I miss my Mother and Father... Though it was just a little more than five years ago that my Dad passed away it sometimes seems like an eternity.  I guess that they abyss that I had for him five years ago has slowly filled in... I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not? Time heals all wounds I guess...

Oh Well... Time to go take another step forward.

Sitting at chemo

So today is another chemo day.  We saw the doctor yesterday with Mary. He was only about 20 minutes late which for him is pretty much early!  Mom has lost some more weight, down to 111.6 pounds, kidneys are still not working right and her white blood count is low but okay.  So the doctor comes in for probably his shortest visit yet and asks how she's doing, etc etc etc. He says we need to do a pet scan before the next Round to see how the treatments are everything. He writes up the prescription and sends us on our merry way.

Later that afternoon though he calls back and says he wants to change the chemo to a new one that shouldnt be so hard on her kidneys.  I'm all for this but it seems like we're rapidly burning through medicines that at least seem to be slowing the progression of the cancer.

So here we are waiting in the chemo room for the pharmacy to bring up the New medicine.  Mom already has  an iv line in her arm that's slowly pumping in saline.  Were just waiting, she's trying to sleep, I'm trying to type but I have a sinister plan in my mind... i want a picture of the nurse in her bunny suit delivering the chemo....

Posting Just to Post a Post

Havent posted anything in a long long long time.  So here I am posting...