So it's been a long while since I've posted. My mom has passed... It has been an experience that is to say the least. There are very few days that go by that I don't think of her, especially with Christmas just a few days away. Going through the Holiday grind has been interesting. It is upsetting(not the right word but don't know of a better one), lonely, like a chunk is missing. I suppose that the hole that I'm feeling will slowly close up till it is just a crack; but now it is a huge abyss.
Went up and bar tended at my Grandparents Christmas party yesterday. Had a good time; but all the way up the seat next to me felt empty... I decided that it really sucked... The ride up, not the overall experience. I get mad when I see elderly couples together; not at them per say but at the whole idea that they get to be together here on Earth and my parents do not... I get over it... I understand that they are together on the other side of the veil; it's just not fair to those of us here. Hell, it's not fair to me! But no one ever said that life is fair huh.
I was praying the other night, I was telling God how much I missed my mother and I realized that I really should be saying I miss my Mother and Father... Though it was just a little more than five years ago that my Dad passed away it sometimes seems like an eternity. I guess that they abyss that I had for him five years ago has slowly filled in... I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not? Time heals all wounds I guess...
Oh Well... Time to go take another step forward.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Sitting at chemo
So today is another chemo day. We saw the doctor yesterday with Mary. He was only about 20 minutes late which for him is pretty much early! Mom has lost some more weight, down to 111.6 pounds, kidneys are still not working right and her white blood count is low but okay. So the doctor comes in for probably his shortest visit yet and asks how she's doing, etc etc etc. He says we need to do a pet scan before the next Round to see how the treatments are everything. He writes up the prescription and sends us on our merry way.
Later that afternoon though he calls back and says he wants to change the chemo to a new one that shouldnt be so hard on her kidneys. I'm all for this but it seems like we're rapidly burning through medicines that at least seem to be slowing the progression of the cancer.
So here we are waiting in the chemo room for the pharmacy to bring up the New medicine. Mom already has an iv line in her arm that's slowly pumping in saline. Were just waiting, she's trying to sleep, I'm trying to type but I have a sinister plan in my mind... i want a picture of the nurse in her bunny suit delivering the chemo....
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Posting Just to Post a Post
Havent posted anything in a long long long time. So here I am posting...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Another Day in Paradise
Hello All... well it's another day in paradise here. Anne's causing drama either intentionally, inadvertently, or accidentally but there's drama anyway. Long inner family drama so no need to go into it here but alas it is there anyways and is making me cranky!
So it's been awhile since I've posted here. The latest info is as follows. Mom is still in hospital, she's upset, scared, and exhausted. Yesterday they ran a battery of tests on her all day. She couldn't eat from midnight Sunday until around 7 pm on Monday so she was starving, going through nicotine and smoking withdrawals and generally depressed all at the same time. As I said before (I'm probably rambling now because my brain is fried out) the doctors did a whole bunch of tests yesterday, they did a second batch of CT Scans, a biopsy of the lung tumor, an MRI on the brain, a bone scan to look for any cancer in the bones, and a barium (I think that's what it's called, its the yucky chalk like stuff that lets them look at your intestines and lower parts of your stomach area) CT scan.
We have to wait until Tomorrow or most probably Thursday for the results of the biopsy. There could be no cancer (fat chance in h. e. double hockey sticks, but hey it's worth a prayer right?) or there are two types of lung cancer, or who knows it could be some other type of cancer (not likely either but I feel like typing so I'm typing!) There are small cell and non small cell lung cancers. The small cell cancer is the scary fast one that's hard to treat and doesn't respond well so were hoping against that. The non small cell cancer is more treatable. The saying I'm going with is that the cancer is treatable at this point but no curable.
The CT scan of the brain showed nine small tumors in the brain. The neurosurgeon said that it would be to risky to go in and cut them all out. The best treatment is to go in with radiation and possibly some sort of pill thing and treat it that way. Overall neutral news in my opinion.
The bone scan was good news news. The Dr. said there was two unusual spots on her ribs but that they didn't look how they should for spreading cancer. He asked about any injuries to the ribs. My mom said none at first but then I piped up and said that she was in a motorcycle accident when she was young and that got her to thinking about how much they hurt when she was coughing up her lungs over the last few months which got her remembering that she thought she tore them or hurt them. Doctor said that that sounded right and that the heat (?) the bone was putting out seemed right for an injury to them in that time frame. So that was really good news because if it was in the bones it would be bad.
The barium test (that's what I'm calling it if it's wrong then comment with the right name but until then it stays!) had her drink yucky drinks two hours apart. She had first drink at 3:00, second one at 4:00 and they were supposed to come get her at 5:00. Well 5:10 then 5:15 come by and I'm getting nervous because I'm thinking this stuff is going to wear off. I go out and ask for her nurse at 5:30, she calls down and theres an ER patient with an Emergency who needs the machine. So we wait until 6:30 before they take her down. The dinner service ends at 6:30, I had ordered her dinner but they said they couldn't release it until the nurse took off the no food notes in her account. So i go and try to find her food near the hospital. She wanted scrambled eggs with bacon. Easy you would think but I could find no open diners near the stupid hospital! I Finlay found a Togo's and figured should would eat a sandwich. I get it, go back to the hospital and up to her room. She's not back yet but on her table is her dinner tray that wasn't supposed to come.... UGH! She came back, ate, and all was good.
Well my arm hurts from typing at this weird angle on my laptop so I'm done for tonight. You all are updated on the latest, I'm tired and have to go to work tomorrow. Yuck! Have a good night all!
So it's been awhile since I've posted here. The latest info is as follows. Mom is still in hospital, she's upset, scared, and exhausted. Yesterday they ran a battery of tests on her all day. She couldn't eat from midnight Sunday until around 7 pm on Monday so she was starving, going through nicotine and smoking withdrawals and generally depressed all at the same time. As I said before (I'm probably rambling now because my brain is fried out) the doctors did a whole bunch of tests yesterday, they did a second batch of CT Scans, a biopsy of the lung tumor, an MRI on the brain, a bone scan to look for any cancer in the bones, and a barium (I think that's what it's called, its the yucky chalk like stuff that lets them look at your intestines and lower parts of your stomach area) CT scan.
We have to wait until Tomorrow or most probably Thursday for the results of the biopsy. There could be no cancer (fat chance in h. e. double hockey sticks, but hey it's worth a prayer right?) or there are two types of lung cancer, or who knows it could be some other type of cancer (not likely either but I feel like typing so I'm typing!) There are small cell and non small cell lung cancers. The small cell cancer is the scary fast one that's hard to treat and doesn't respond well so were hoping against that. The non small cell cancer is more treatable. The saying I'm going with is that the cancer is treatable at this point but no curable.
The CT scan of the brain showed nine small tumors in the brain. The neurosurgeon said that it would be to risky to go in and cut them all out. The best treatment is to go in with radiation and possibly some sort of pill thing and treat it that way. Overall neutral news in my opinion.
The bone scan was good news news. The Dr. said there was two unusual spots on her ribs but that they didn't look how they should for spreading cancer. He asked about any injuries to the ribs. My mom said none at first but then I piped up and said that she was in a motorcycle accident when she was young and that got her to thinking about how much they hurt when she was coughing up her lungs over the last few months which got her remembering that she thought she tore them or hurt them. Doctor said that that sounded right and that the heat (?) the bone was putting out seemed right for an injury to them in that time frame. So that was really good news because if it was in the bones it would be bad.
The barium test (that's what I'm calling it if it's wrong then comment with the right name but until then it stays!) had her drink yucky drinks two hours apart. She had first drink at 3:00, second one at 4:00 and they were supposed to come get her at 5:00. Well 5:10 then 5:15 come by and I'm getting nervous because I'm thinking this stuff is going to wear off. I go out and ask for her nurse at 5:30, she calls down and theres an ER patient with an Emergency who needs the machine. So we wait until 6:30 before they take her down. The dinner service ends at 6:30, I had ordered her dinner but they said they couldn't release it until the nurse took off the no food notes in her account. So i go and try to find her food near the hospital. She wanted scrambled eggs with bacon. Easy you would think but I could find no open diners near the stupid hospital! I Finlay found a Togo's and figured should would eat a sandwich. I get it, go back to the hospital and up to her room. She's not back yet but on her table is her dinner tray that wasn't supposed to come.... UGH! She came back, ate, and all was good.
Well my arm hurts from typing at this weird angle on my laptop so I'm done for tonight. You all are updated on the latest, I'm tired and have to go to work tomorrow. Yuck! Have a good night all!
Another Day in Paradise
Hello All... well it's another day in paradise here. Anne's causing drama either intentionally, inadvertently, or accidentally but there's drama anyway. Long inner family drama so no need to go into it here but alas it is there anyways and is making me cranky!
So it's been awhile since I've posted here. The latest info is as follows. Mom is still in hospital, she's upset, scared, and exhausted. Yesterday they ran a battery of tests on her all day. She couldn't eat from midnight Sunday until around 7 pm on Monday so she was starving, going through nicotine and smoking withdrawals and generally depressed all at the same time. As I said before (I'm probably rambling now because my brain is fried out) the doctors did a whole bunch of tests yesterday, they did a second batch of CT Scans, a biopsy of the lung tumor, an MRI on the brain, a bone scan to look for any cancer in the bones, and a barium (I think that's what it's called, its the yucky chalk like stuff that lets them look at your intestines and lower parts of your stomach area) CT scan.
We have to wait until Tomorrow or most probably Thursday for the results of the biopsy. There could be no cancer (fat chance in h. e. double hockey sticks, but hey it's worth a prayer right?) or there are two types of lung cancer, or who knows it could be some other type of cancer (not likely either but I feel like typing so I'm typing!) There are small cell and non small cell lung cancers. The small cell cancer is the scary fast one that's hard to treat and doesn't respond well so were hoping against that. The non small cell cancer is more treatable. The saying I'm going with is that the cancer is treatable at this point but no curable.
The CT scan of the brain showed nine small tumors in the brain. The neurosurgeon said that it would be to risky to go in and cut them all out. The best treatment is to go in with radiation and possibly some sort of pill thing and treat it that way. Overall neutral news in my opinion.
The bone scan was good news news. The Dr. said there was two unusual spots on her ribs but that they didn't look how they should for spreading cancer. He asked about any injuries to the ribs. My mom said none at first but then I piped up and said that she was in a motorcycle accident when she was young and that got her to thinking about how much they hurt when she was coughing up her lungs over the last few months which got her remembering that she thought she tore them or hurt them. Doctor said that that sounded right and that the heat (?) the bone was putting out seemed right for an injury to them in that time frame. So that was really good news because if it was in the bones it would be bad.
The barium test (that's what I'm calling it if it's wrong then comment with the right name but until then it stays!) had her drink yucky drinks two hours apart. She had first drink at 3:00, second one at 4:00 and they were supposed to come get her at 5:00. Well 5:10 then 5:15 come by and I'm getting nervous because I'm thinking this stuff is going to wear off. I go out and ask for her nurse at 5:30, she calls down and theres an ER patient with an Emergency who needs the machine. So we wait until 6:30 before they take her down. The dinner service ends at 6:30, I had ordered her dinner but they said they couldn't release it until the nurse took off the no food notes in her account. So i go and try to find her food near the hospital. She wanted scrambled eggs with bacon. Easy you would think but I could find no open diners near the stupid hospital! I Finlay found a Togo's and figured should would eat a sandwich. I get it, go back to the hospital and up to her room. She's not back yet but on her table is her dinner tray that wasn't supposed to come.... UGH! She came back, ate, and all was good.
Well my arm hurts from typing at this weird angle on my laptop so I'm done for tonight. You all are updated on the latest, I'm tired and have to go to work tomorrow. Yuck! Have a good night all!
So it's been awhile since I've posted here. The latest info is as follows. Mom is still in hospital, she's upset, scared, and exhausted. Yesterday they ran a battery of tests on her all day. She couldn't eat from midnight Sunday until around 7 pm on Monday so she was starving, going through nicotine and smoking withdrawals and generally depressed all at the same time. As I said before (I'm probably rambling now because my brain is fried out) the doctors did a whole bunch of tests yesterday, they did a second batch of CT Scans, a biopsy of the lung tumor, an MRI on the brain, a bone scan to look for any cancer in the bones, and a barium (I think that's what it's called, its the yucky chalk like stuff that lets them look at your intestines and lower parts of your stomach area) CT scan.
We have to wait until Tomorrow or most probably Thursday for the results of the biopsy. There could be no cancer (fat chance in h. e. double hockey sticks, but hey it's worth a prayer right?) or there are two types of lung cancer, or who knows it could be some other type of cancer (not likely either but I feel like typing so I'm typing!) There are small cell and non small cell lung cancers. The small cell cancer is the scary fast one that's hard to treat and doesn't respond well so were hoping against that. The non small cell cancer is more treatable. The saying I'm going with is that the cancer is treatable at this point but no curable.
The CT scan of the brain showed nine small tumors in the brain. The neurosurgeon said that it would be to risky to go in and cut them all out. The best treatment is to go in with radiation and possibly some sort of pill thing and treat it that way. Overall neutral news in my opinion.
The bone scan was good news news. The Dr. said there was two unusual spots on her ribs but that they didn't look how they should for spreading cancer. He asked about any injuries to the ribs. My mom said none at first but then I piped up and said that she was in a motorcycle accident when she was young and that got her to thinking about how much they hurt when she was coughing up her lungs over the last few months which got her remembering that she thought she tore them or hurt them. Doctor said that that sounded right and that the heat (?) the bone was putting out seemed right for an injury to them in that time frame. So that was really good news because if it was in the bones it would be bad.
The barium test (that's what I'm calling it if it's wrong then comment with the right name but until then it stays!) had her drink yucky drinks two hours apart. She had first drink at 3:00, second one at 4:00 and they were supposed to come get her at 5:00. Well 5:10 then 5:15 come by and I'm getting nervous because I'm thinking this stuff is going to wear off. I go out and ask for her nurse at 5:30, she calls down and theres an ER patient with an Emergency who needs the machine. So we wait until 6:30 before they take her down. The dinner service ends at 6:30, I had ordered her dinner but they said they couldn't release it until the nurse took off the no food notes in her account. So i go and try to find her food near the hospital. She wanted scrambled eggs with bacon. Easy you would think but I could find no open diners near the stupid hospital! I Finlay found a Togo's and figured should would eat a sandwich. I get it, go back to the hospital and up to her room. She's not back yet but on her table is her dinner tray that wasn't supposed to come.... UGH! She came back, ate, and all was good.
Well my arm hurts from typing at this weird angle on my laptop so I'm done for tonight. You all are updated on the latest, I'm tired and have to go to work tomorrow. Yuck! Have a good night all!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Monday Morning
So it's monday morning. For some reason I keep thinking it is Tuesday... Hmmmm. So last night I brought some stuff over here to the hospital, the important stuff like night gowns, toothbrushes, hairbrushes, and hair ties. Anne was here when I got here and Tom and Mary arrived not long afterwards. Anne hung around for awhile being noisy (she cant control that especially when she is nervous, worried of off kilter like she is with all this) but not causing drama thankfully (she had apparently tried to cause drama when she came earlier in the day). Tom, Mary, Mom, and I sat around for three hours yacking about my Dad, Anne, and general stuff. It was nice, just wished the setting could have been around my grandparents fireplace instead of a hospital bed.
<NEWSBREAK> so i'm sitting here writing this update and I hear singing coming down the hall. Walking up to us comes a whole bunch of people (hospital workers like doctors and admins and stuff?) singing Christmas carols. It was really nice, brought a smile to my face but made my mom think we wouldn't have all our normal Christmas cookies and stuff this year. I guess i'm gonna have to go find some good store bought substitutes! <NEWSBREAK>
Okay, back to normal writing... so i'm here and we're waiting for lots of tests to be done. They did an MRI this morning before I got here. The next guy up is a bone scan to see if there is any cancer in the bones. They are also going to be doing a biopsy of the lung and I think they might do another round of CT scans. So a little bit after I got here the Tech (from I don't remember the department name but the department that does the the radiation and bone scans) came in and injected my mom with the stuff that makes them see the bones. He pulled out four huge syringes and said not to worry because they were only filled with saline to flush all the lines out. The final little tiny (okay not so tiny but way smaller than the saline syringes) was the stuff that irradiates her. He warned that she would be radioactive and that no kids or women who could be pregnant should see her. So now we have to wait two hours (noon or 1ish for anyone who cares) for the tech to come back up and get her to take her down to do the actual bone scan. The tech said he would try to see if the biopsy team could do the biopsy at the same time he had her down for the scan... we will see.
Well Janie and Rosa just got here and my Grandma is supposed to be coming down soon so i'm gonna wrap this up for now. Final note is I gave my Kindle to my mom to play with, she liked it but it kept putting her to sleep as she read, alas.
<NEWSBREAK> so i'm sitting here writing this update and I hear singing coming down the hall. Walking up to us comes a whole bunch of people (hospital workers like doctors and admins and stuff?) singing Christmas carols. It was really nice, brought a smile to my face but made my mom think we wouldn't have all our normal Christmas cookies and stuff this year. I guess i'm gonna have to go find some good store bought substitutes! <NEWSBREAK>
Okay, back to normal writing... so i'm here and we're waiting for lots of tests to be done. They did an MRI this morning before I got here. The next guy up is a bone scan to see if there is any cancer in the bones. They are also going to be doing a biopsy of the lung and I think they might do another round of CT scans. So a little bit after I got here the Tech (from I don't remember the department name but the department that does the the radiation and bone scans) came in and injected my mom with the stuff that makes them see the bones. He pulled out four huge syringes and said not to worry because they were only filled with saline to flush all the lines out. The final little tiny (okay not so tiny but way smaller than the saline syringes) was the stuff that irradiates her. He warned that she would be radioactive and that no kids or women who could be pregnant should see her. So now we have to wait two hours (noon or 1ish for anyone who cares) for the tech to come back up and get her to take her down to do the actual bone scan. The tech said he would try to see if the biopsy team could do the biopsy at the same time he had her down for the scan... we will see.
Well Janie and Rosa just got here and my Grandma is supposed to be coming down soon so i'm gonna wrap this up for now. Final note is I gave my Kindle to my mom to play with, she liked it but it kept putting her to sleep as she read, alas.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
The Why...
So i've wrote the details of what is going on in brief and not so brief details. I'm tired having only 2 hours of sleep last night so hopefully I'm not just going on and on and on and on and on and... sorry. This last post in the postathon is the why i'm posting this blog in the first place.
I think there are two main reasons. First. It's an easy and quick way to keep everyone up to date on whats going on. Second. I hope it's a good way for me to release some of the bent up frustration and I don't know what else that I tend to keep bottled up inside of me. Finally. Our church is big on journaling. I hate it, I try and try but I don't do it. Maybe this can be a type of 21st century journal for this trying time? Maybe someone now or in the future can find hope, information, or insight from it? Who know?
I think there are two main reasons. First. It's an easy and quick way to keep everyone up to date on whats going on. Second. I hope it's a good way for me to release some of the bent up frustration and I don't know what else that I tend to keep bottled up inside of me. Finally. Our church is big on journaling. I hate it, I try and try but I don't do it. Maybe this can be a type of 21st century journal for this trying time? Maybe someone now or in the future can find hope, information, or insight from it? Who know?
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